ABUSE, MARTYRDOM, AND THE WARMTH OF HUMANITY

ABUSE, MARTYRDOM, AND THE WARMTH OF HUMANITY

You're new here, aren't you?

NetworkedBlogs allows you to stay up to date with blogs you love. Click the Follow button to follow updates from this blog.

Blog Name:	ABUSE, MARTYRDOM, AND THE WARMTH OF HUMANITY
Url:	http://www.twosoulsinone.com
Language:	English
Topics:	sin, forgiveness, love
Description:	Abuse, Martyrdom, and the Warmth of Humanity Category: Life Crazy this world is. A person can experience a series of catastrophic events for months, even years on end, and then she may get to the end...the end being far below what she initially thought the "end" could be only a year, or even months prior. There she sits...stunned in the recognition that the paths she chose were, even though written in God's book prior to her birth in this world, were her own ill conceived fantasies at best, and more realistically they were adventures into the depths of self-sabotage. No. No. She knows that these walks she took alongside dangerous railroad paths leading if not nowhere, then were most likely going to lead to shame, humiliation, and that which she, and many human beings fear most, the inability to connect not with people of malformed psyches, but those who have a clear ability of introspection, maturity, and that all elusive, humanity. But, she knew. She knew. She knew each and every time within each and every circumstance the fall she was preparing herself to take. Why did her soul crave the indecencies that are so easily spurted from the mouths of others? Words meant to bend the human mind and twist a fragile soul. Why choose to be consumed and spit out like garbage by a person whose sole purpose is to build up his own psyche by showing how powerful he is, pysically, mentally, and emotnally. Many actions of such a guy really just relay one message to his victim(s) "I WILL SHOW YOU WHO IS BOSS YOU LITTLE BITCH." More importantly, in the end, who cares why some people act at the opposite end of benevolence. The real question is why are there some who make themselves available to be eaten up, to be used as mere psychological fuel for a hatred that burns inside another....in other words, who is the sicker of the two in a dysfunctional relationship? Is it the partner who abuses on all levels? Or is it the partner who seems to get some sick relief in taking it...who seems to get some satisfaction out of becoming the ulimate martyr. There is the true martyrdom, such as Jesus Christ, Ghandi, Mother Theresa. But today's conventional martyrdom seems nothing more than a ploy, a way to convince a hateful person to stop being abusive towards the partner. Or, it can be used as a way to falsely convince others to feel sorry for a person, "Oh, look at my life, what a shambles. Oh, poor me. I just wish I had known that he would was going to destroy my life such as he did before I ever layed eyes on him." Puhhhlllleaaase. The "martyr," whether she was aware of it or not, was looking for just the sort of potentional relationship where things would be in constant chaos and where she could almost foresee that he would end up being of the abusive type. In the end, the only thing that can be fixed are those things that each individual must examine and change inside of themselves, and they must do it by themselves. Interestingly, there was an opportunity to for the girl to make true strides toward healing and, against the advice of some arm chair psychologists and psychobabblists, it was with the help of another man. A man, although not perfect, was in a way "perfect" for the girl at the time when she was still drowning from the residual effects of being in an abusive relationship. His level of intelligence, his ability to speak with her and she with him was so foreign; so lovely--It was like the best book the girl ever read simply because the dialogue was so pure, innocent, it was calming....it was just so calming and simultaneously interesting. It was mutually respectful. The man tried. Very hard he tried. The girl, however, was not done drowning, and she didn't want any life jackets being thrown her way. She was not done finding the true bottom to the prior relationship that scorched her soul. It had beem five and a half months since the martyr and the abuser went their separate ways, but she was still grieving and she could still hear the hateful messages that the abuser had become so adept at implanting in her head. She never told the nice man the extent to which she still felt the burn from the past relationship as she did not want to scare him off, but in the end it did not matter because her behavior at that time was out of control due to the constant shifting winds of memories past. She never knew how she felt from one day to the next, it was almost as if she was still in the abusive / martyr relationship, and mentally she very much was. She had never purged the repressed emotions, she never fully grieved at what had happened, she just continued to go to work and pretend that it didn't affect her. Interesting, and at the same time very sad, that not only did it still affect her but more so that she was allowing her bruised emotions to cause mental strife in a new and what was a very promising relationship; a relationship that might have been a path of mutuality and promise. But, there was still more "work," more self-sabotage for the girl to complete before any sort of reality would set forth in her twirling mind --- she had not reached bottom yet---and it would not be until after a final desire to release those demons, to get rid of those memories, to rid herself of the shame and dirt she felt smothered by that should would then be free --- free---her idea of free was not a therapuetic one, just a release--a release in the most basic of form of existence. Eventually the girl's "release" was defined, pathologized, psychoanalyzed, cognitively examined, and on and on. So, as a result, or rather as a last choice due to her own certain sense of her own final failure, the girl took some time for intensive "self-examination." Over the last two months she exorcised the ghosts from the abusive relationship. She returned to church, her Anglican roots, where she reconnected with people she had not seen since December of 2005. Much of her soul that had been jailed for over more than the last two years was released. She realized that some of her "excuses" to be "moody" wouldn't be accepted anymore. She realized that the truth, to be very specific, the truth about one's self and one's motivations, was the ultimate barrier to walking that path she always dreamt of. A path full of open fields, friends, healing wounded relationships with all family members, letting God guide (really, really, really letting God guide), and enjoying a calm that can never come from a pill----said again, enjoying a calm that can never come from a handful of pills, but from a place inside, or maybe ouside (I don't know), but from a place that gives one the feeling that the sun is shining inside a heart and from there comes a warmth that is wonderful, and golden, and that answers all of those questions that, ironically, don't even need to be asked anymore. The questions, the agendas, the need to control fall away....perfection, and yes, happiness, is a knowing that God graces us with such a delicious perfection of heart---That delicious perfection of the heart.
Popularity:	3 Followers

This blog has 3 followers. Visit the blog page on Facebook to see who's following this blog.

Not enough data.
Calculated for blogs with 20+ followers.

This site uses BitPixels previews

Questions? contact: networkedblogs@ninua.com

ABUSE, MARTYRDOM, AND THE WARMTH OF HUMANITY

Information

Followers

Popular in:

Related Blogs