Gefilte Fishless

Balabusted

Wired

Hold the Mayo
My mother and I have an ongoing argument going about medical care.  The main topic of our argument?  Mayo Clinic.Like other seniors, my mother swears by Mayo Clinic.  If she stubs her toe, she goes to Mayo Clinic.  To her, Mayo Clinic, and the Mayo Hospital we have here in Phoenix, are like those one-stop clinics they have in drugstores now.  There's no problem too minute to go shlep

Apple of My Eye
My daughter is very thin. People look at from Husband to me and back again and then declare without any qualms that she gets her thinness from Husband.  Apparently, my body is teeming at its restraints, just waiting for me to overeat one day at which point it will suddenly bulge out and I'll be wearing a wardrobe of circus tents.  When I was fat I used to go to Weight Watchers - twelve years in

Hurry Up and Wait
My Mom was going out to eat with my sister's family the other night. I wanted to see if I could swing by and drop off some stuff before she left."We're not going to be home.""But you still have an hour before you have to be at the restaurant.""We're leaving now.""But Ma, it takes five minutes to drive there.  What are you going to d

Cursed Purses
As usual, I'm hiding something in my closet.  Being a compulsive shopper means that I'm always hiding something, normally behind the large, pink-zippered bag that holds my now-seventeen-year-old wedding dress.  That bag is so big and bulky it will hide anything.  Then I wait for just the perfect moment to reveal the newest incredibly dumb purchase.What's the purchase this time?  A purse. 

Remember Your Coat
I was at our school's yard sale yesterday.  I'd just taken off my coat and put it inside my car.  Just then I noticed Stepfather walking toward me, having just gotten out of his car.  He was carrying a coat."Hi, Bob. I'm glad you made it over here," I said."Here, Linda."  He handed me the coat."What's this?""Your mother told me to brin