2 weeks later
Here’s the crazy thing about the 14 days since we found out my mom has cancer; the laughing. There has been nearly as much laughing as there has been crying. My brother and I both seem to deal with our sadness and stress with sarcasm and bad jokes and when it all gets to be too much we just kind of lay our heads down and cackle like loons. This kind of hysterical side splitting laughter that hurts a little. But somehow it helps in a way that nothing else does. We must seem like a family of total maniacs to casual passerby. So, here’s what’s happening. What has happened. 2 weeks ago my brother took my mom to the emergency room. She was act

what grief looks like from here
I hate all these fucking pamphlets the social worker and the doctor keep pressing into my hands. We thought we might lose her on Monday, but after a change in her medication she’s doing better. She’s weak and confused and still dying, but yesterday she took my face in her hands and told me that she loves me more than anything in the whole world. I really, really needed to hear that. I love her more than anything else in the world, too.

news
Oh, you guys. For weeks I’ve been wanting to write and tell you about all the awesome in my life these days. How it turns out that money CAN buy at least a little bit of happiness. How it turns out that I’m pretty good at things that don’t involve housework or changing diapers, and how much fun I have at work every day with all those gruff men who treat me like their annoying, but well loved little sister. Time always gets away from me somehow and I never end up writing anything. And now I have to write this: My mom has been acting like a nut the last few months, we actually thought she was using drugs. She was acting like such an asshole that I started avoiding