Personal Assessment: Are You Ready to Negotiate?
As you move into your divorce negotiations, consider the following personal assessment.   Have I set realistic, sensible goals?  Have I accounted for our income, assets and debts and thought about which division best suits my needs?  Have I ranked each asset in terms of its importance to me?  If I keep my own priorities in mind, it will be easier avoid becoming trapped in arguments and self-pity when negotiations become difficult. Have I tried to consider what is a fair resolution of this divorce from my spouse’s perspective?  If what I e

Handling Money at the End of Your Marriage
There are five financial issues that can take down a marriage – reduced circumstances, financial mistakes, caring for parents, caring for kids, and uncertainty – according to Ron Leiber, “Your Money” columnist of the New York Times.  These are truly issues that affect every marriage at some point, and I thought that they warranted a little more coverage. Reduced Circumstances: Although some people may be disappointed over the reduction in lifestyle thanks to a layoff or change of interest rate, consider how dividing up a household doesn’t reduce costs.  Getting divorced wi

What if My Lawyer Says to Get Tough?
You need to determine why your lawyer feels you should be handling your case in a way which feels wrong to you. Ask if he or she feels you are being too passive, willing to accept much less than a court would deem appropriate? Are you being bullied by an abusive spouse into accepting an inappropriate custody and visitation arrangement?  The lawyer should be able to outline for you the parameters of the likely outcomes for your case, and together you can match your goals to what the law deems fair. By the same token, after you’ve discussed the likely outcomes with your lawyer, if you decide for your own reasons to accept a low settlement, or to capitulate to a

Examples of Rebound Invovlement
Below is an example of Ralph and Linda in rebound relationships. Take their story into consideration. The fact scenarios may be different from yours and still may give you something to consider. Ralph and his wife had been married for eighteen years. Linda had kept a superbly clean house, had helped Ralph with the bookkeeping of his building business, and had kept both of them on the straight and narrow. Ralph had become disenchanted with Linda and had filed for divorce. Upon meeting a woman who was to him exiting, fun, more relaxed and flexible than his wife had ever been, Ralph began to date this woman during the time of the separation. Initially elated with t

Conversations about Money: Akward vs. Attorney
This week there was an excellent column from the New York Times’ Your Money writer Ron Lieber outlining five issues that can create major financial distress for couples.  They are almost all inevitable and unavoidable – Reduced Circumstances, Mistakes, Parents, Children, and Uncertainty – yet Lieber explains, and I agree, they can seem so vague and distant a couple can easily avoid discussing them until reality hits.  As one expert in the piece says, “You can either disengage and get divorced, or reengage.”  Spouses can be disengaged until they end