There's nothing here but what here's mine....
Its been almost a month since i last blogged.wow.I am really down right now.I tend to get into that mode from just before halloween until just after new years, issues over not having kids, having lost babies in early pregnancy, being single, not married or in a relationship currently, friends scattered and living in vastly different worlds from I, and no family really now. moms a shadow, nothing more than a toddler, in a nursing home, and my aunt does things with extended family and friends.So, i am on my own on the holidays.Trapped. No car. In a house that is literally making me sick, and half of which I can't even use because of black mold.What i ca

Drugs are awesome
Before anyone has 1000 cows...i am talking about Lyrica for fibromyalgia. Its been about 2 weeks now, and, i am better than i have been since i was 22 and  teh monster took over my life.I still have pain and some fatigue.But a combo of Lyrica, lortab, and zanaflex is giving me SOME semblance of function back.Just as Paxil did on a mental level. I'd been plagued with anxiety, depression, social phobia, panic attacks, and irrational, obsessive fear over specific things for periods of time since i was a child, it getting more and more severe as i aged, i finally asked for help when i was agoraphobic and just ina  constant state of fear and depress

My Kitty Neenie Died
    (ignore the mess, its by the front door and mud and leaves get tracked in, and i dont always  get it cleaned up immediately)I found her dead in my bedroom today. She had not been dead long. She has been chronically ill most of her life, but, never seriously.I had not seen her for 3 days, but, when she doesn't feel well she retreats into the bedroom and sleeps in the cave she makes in the comforter, then comes out, and wants her

Update on Sunshine
Sunny is my 14 1/2 year old cat.She has an allergic reaction to a flea collar, then started hiding in my bedroom, where black mold, and every color of the rainbow mold developed, and started getting really sick, i wouldn't see her for days, and i finally went in there, ew, and found her, hiding in a corner of the closet, around the frame, backed into the corner, She had lost a ton of weight, her neck was a ring of bleeding sores, FAR worse then the collar had made,  she had not been cleaning herself and she could not hear anything.She couldn't  walk well, or jump, and wouldn't eat.I took her out of there, and blocked  the room off completely (it ha

Dreaming pure unadulterated insanity
My dreams last night were insane. They are fading, i wanted to get some of it down.I wake up in a parking lot in a bad neighborhood, I'm confused. I look for my car, but, can't find it. I begin to walk towards what is my home in the dream. But, realize, its the middle of the night, and its far.I am wearing a black trench coat. But, I'm barefoot. I reach in my pockets and find a roast beef hoagie sandwich, my cell phone, but, its broken, when the light displays, i can see inside the phone, the working parts, & a cordless home phone.I try to call for help on the cell, it won't work, then i try the cordless. I don't get a signal.So, i head home.I cross a