tired of this piece of string

when i feel lost i am not at all
It's not vitamins. Vitamins can't fix a life. Mondays are my very favourite day of the week. Well mondays and fridays. On monday and friday i don't work and i have the kids. We have a very unusual custody schedule that involves plenty of back and forth. It allows me to spend both my nights off with them and means they only have a babysitter one or two nights a week. It also means i get to see them every single d

friday nights - this was MY bed
girls from jess howard on Vimeo.

something bad inside
I have this uneasy feeling. This fluttering in my chest. I remember when fluttering in my chest meant i was in the presence of someone i was madly in love with. Fluttering now is part of my constant state of anxiety and sorrow. I am so tired of being the bad guy in this town, in this relationship, in this conversation. Going through a divorce sucks. It sucks you dry. The pulling apart of two lives. Some parts like crazy glue. Those years s

i push, i pull, the days, go slow
i am so tired of this loneliness then answer your phone asshole. i can't. i can't. i don't know what to say. i'm afraid of what i might say. he said you're making it hard for him there is nothing i can do about that. all i can do these days is sleep, work, parent and sit in my bed and participate in this endless void of both heady and lowly banter. i don't have the mental capacity to even begin to address those words, the audacity of them. you put your angel wing necklace on again i need it. i feel at the end of my rope. i can't take another single thing. i still have so many things to de

random thoughts while laying in bed/lying in bed
I have been sick with the flu for three weeks. It has been really yucky. My oldest daughter has been sick that long too. (We each felt better for a few days and then it came back even worse.) My youngest daughter caught it on monday and i put her on TamiFlu and she was better in two days - get yourself some TamiFlu if you get sick. ************************************** I weighed myself this morning when i picked up the kids