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Finding Melissa The story of losing an eating disorder and finding an identity

English - Eating Disorders, Recovery, Mental Health
http://www.findingmelissa.co.uk
Finding Melissa · 1Y ago

The Causeway

Some posts come already written. This one has felt like pulling teeth. It has been drafted – and then redrafted; started and abandoned a dozen times. Some versions have been too painful; some detached; a few political; none quite right. As I have only a few days left, I’m just going to spit it out
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Finding Melissa · 1Y ago

Finding Melissa. Again.

It has been 15 days since I last threw up. I think I have broken the cycle. This is the longest I’ve managed since my relapse started, and I have no intention of going back. I didn’t know if I’d be able to write this post. When the switch would occur, if at all. The thought of leaving [...]
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Finding Melissa · 1Y ago

Unbinding

I need to check in over here. I wondered whether this belonged on Finding Melissa or my new blog. If I was splintering off from myself again by reverting back. I don’t think I am. This post is very much part of my eating disorder journey, though the learning of course extends through my life. [...]
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Finding Melissa · 1Y ago

Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2011

I started writing a post about Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I stopped because I am not sure, yet, what I’d like to say. That, of all psychiatric disorders, Anorexia Nervosa has the highest premature mortality rate. That the mortality rates for Bulimia and eating disorders not otherwise specified
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Finding Melissa · 1Y ago

Checking In

I am just checking in. It feels important to do this, although it has been less than a week. I am aware that I have a tendency for flitting between things. For jumping so quickly that I cut myself off from where I have come from and end up, ultimately, feeling a bit lost. I don’t want [...]
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Finding Melissa · 1Y ago

So this is the plan….

Last year, a friend said that I would have to step away from Finding Melissa at some point. I knew that she was right because it pushed the ‘this is true but I don’t want to hear it’ button. Her argument? I would need to separate my identity from the eating disorder and create a [...]
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Finding Melissa · 1Y ago

Teeth. Yet again.

Starting at the top right. Filled hole at the top. Filled hole at the top. Reconstructed biting surface. Interior gum swelling. Gum lesion. Porcelain veneers. Filled hole at the top. Reconstructed biting surface. Reconstructed biting surface. Bottom left. Extraction. Root-canal filled Crown. Chron
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Finding Melissa · 1Y ago

If it doesn’t work, try something else, and other lessons…

I have been quiet over here recently. It’s partly because I haven’t been able to find the words to say what I am feeling; and partly because I’ve had to change my get-back-on-track strategy. I am trying to squeeze the eating disorder out with activity, this time; and have learnt that, without flexi
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Finding Melissa · 1Y ago

Ignorance and irresponsibility

This month’s Grazia suggests that the ‘on/off’ diet, otherwise known as ‘Alternate Day Fasting’, is the perfect solution for those who find staying on a diet a mission, and following a “month of mince pies”. It proposes 400 calories on ‘on’ days, and a modest amount on those in between. It was my u
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Finding Melissa · 1Y ago

Adventure, authenticity and 2011.

Last night I went to a 1930s ball. I wore a long black dress, red lipstick and a furry shrug. There was laughter and music and dancing and human slinkies and it was exactly what I want 2011 to be like. Unexpected. Alive. Fun. Vibrant. Full of people. I do not have resolutions for 2011. I [...]
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