Namaste
In Chicago I was a personal assistant for a woman who was crazy. I don't know what her job was or if she even had one and she always paid me in cash. When I entered her house, I had to ring a Tingshas and say "Namaste" even if she wasn't in the room. Part of my job, besides watching her try on Tibetan prayer robes and tell her how young they made her look, was to remove all the labels from her products. Sometimes they would come off quickly, sometimes it would take a long time to soak them off and scrub off the glue with Goo Gone (people who value spiritual centeredness love Goo Gone). Apparently, in the past few weeks, my unconscious mind has been taking the labels off my lotions, face cr

Namaste
In Chicago I was a personal assistant for a woman who was crazy. I don't know what her job was or if she even had one and she always paid me in cash. When I entered her house, I had to ring a Tingshas and say "Namaste" even if she wasn't in the room. Part of my job, besides watching her try on Tibetan prayer robes and tell her how young they made her look, was to remove all the labels from her products. Sometimes they would come off quickly, sometimes it would take a long time to soak them off and scrub off the glue with Goo Gone (people who value spiritual centeredness love Goo Gone). Apparently, in the past few weeks, my unconscious mind has been taking the labels off my lotions, face cr

Pumpkin's! Fall's Gift (Funny or Die Blog #5)
Pumpkins are an underrated vegetable. Are they vegetables? I could look that up but quiet frankly, I am having problems looking things up on the Internet. Not because of my connection, no, no, that's fine. I just, well, every time I try to connect to the Internet it reminds me, for some reason, of that year I was held in a stranger's basement when I was twelve. The way that I aged by the time I was rescued by the authorities you would have thought three years went by! It would of taken me three years to get used to the way Carl talked to me and treated me, and I don't even know if that would have been enough. Point being, Carl had a computer in the house, and when he started letting me upst

Pumpkin's! Fall's Gift (Funny or Die Blog #5)
Pumpkins are an underrated vegetable. Are they vegetables? I could look that up but quiet frankly, I am having problems looking things up on the Internet. Not because of my connection, no, no, that's fine. I just, well, every time I try to connect to the Internet it reminds me, for some reason, of that year I was held in a stranger's basement when I was twelve. The way that I aged by the time I was rescued by the authorities you would have thought three years went by! It would of taken me three years to get used to the way Carl talked to me and treated me, and I don't even know if that would have been enough. Point being, Carl had a computer in the house, and when he started letting me upst

New Haircut (Funny or Die Blog #4)
I just got a new hair cut! Yes, I spent a little more than I wanted, but $100 is exactly what I would pay for for this perfect coif. I mean, I look like a million dollars so I kind of feel like i got away with highway robbery! Which is ironic because I got my hair done today because I am making a special visit to my sister at the Polk County Women's Prison. God Bless her, poor things been locked up in there for a crime which I believe her to be innocent of. She's in for murder, and I know she is innocent because while she was supposedly chocking an 8 year old girl to death, she and I were engaging in a violent round of fist-a-cuffs over who drank the last of the orange Gatorade. Cut to her