On what you save

On the narrow edge of suicide

I met a wise man
I met a wise man a couple of days ago.  Hard to find a wise man. He was old, but had lived longer than his years.  He told me his story and his life to me seemed charted by what had gone wrong.  Most of it seemed about how he had gone wrong.  He had been sober he said for about 10 years.  From the time he was a kid he had drank and used drugs– anything he could find to drink and any drug he could find to take.  He talked about he consequences:  time in jail (many times in jail), broken relationships, lost marriages, jobs lost, possessions lost— hope lost and most important  he was lost.   He talked about how many times he almost died and how many t

On being left out in the cold- Mental Health in Tennessee
I listened this afternoon to the broadcast of the Governors budget hearings with the Dept of Mental Health.  Next year looks dimmer than ever.  My assumption is that Tennessee is not the only one in that ballpark. One  cut is the most dissappointing.  If it holds it will literally leave thousands of Tennesseans out in the cold. Tennessee has had a behavioral health safety net for adult Tennesseans without insurance.  It has been a bargain with major positive effects.  For roughly $750 a person the state has been able to provide individual counseling, case management, and medication management for over 25,ooo people.  These services have saved people’

ON wounds- old and new
Probably the most traumatic event of  mine and Linda’s life was her brain surgery.  She had gotten to the point where she was having 10-15 grand mal seizures a day.  She had been in status epilepticus more than once.  Her qualityof life was zero and I was terrified that her life itself was in danger. After a lot of prayer she decided that she wanted to go on with the surgery.  I dont think either of us saw any options at the time.  They took out her hippocampus and her amygdala.  We hoped that it meant seizures were gone.  It didnt.  4 years later she was in Vanderbilt Hospital having  over 100 seizures a day.  With lots of help and finally finding the

ON the limits of diagnosis
A diagnosis is not a death sentence.  It is not a ticket telling you the limitations of life you are entitled to.  It is simply a label.  It means you have been placed in a group with other people who are in some way similiar to you and this is the name for that group of people.  In the words of social psycholigist Ellen Langer, “A diagnosis describes the averaged experiences of many individuals, but it may not speak to a single individuals experience at any one point.” In an incredible book called, “Counter Clockwise”, Langer speaks to this issue.  Two concepts she uses, certainity and variability, are particularly important.   Cer

Second look: On the discipline of getting ready to
Have you ever noticed how some things seem so easy for other people– but never for you?  Have you ever wondered why?  I have. There are so many times that I am really sincere about doing something and am really determined to try really hard and it still doesn’t happen.  I either beat myself up or find somebody or something else to blame and find myself consumed by either guilt or anger.  Either way I find myself a hard person to be around.  Even when I know what went wrong it is still hard to get it right. I have begun to understand the problem much better over the last few months and I think I know what is required.  You have to prepare yoursel