Day 819 of Captivity
I haven't been able to get near the laptop for love nor money.  The female infidel has been sitting over it attempting to look intellectual and failing miserably!  I have no idea what she can be doing that requires her to hog the laptop like she has and I am not very pleased!  Apparently she has become involved in rescue and has had important things to do.  Rescue is just an infidel code word for capturing poor innocent animals and holding them against their will,  I was "rescued"!  The female infidel wasn't very well last week and was up in the night.  She spent some time locked in the downstairs bathroom crying into the porcelain.  Whilst she was incapacitat

Day 803 of Captivity
The male Infidel and the angst ridden adolescents have returned from their vacation, finally  alleviating me from the ennui of being left alone for what seemed like an eternity with only the irksome female for company.  The male returned sporting 3rd degree burns to his legs having been vacuous enough to go to the beach minus the vat of factor 50 sun cream that the  female Infidel packed him off with.  She just hasn't been irritating enough in her scathing comments to the male about his foolishness.  Oh to be as enlightened as she!  He has spent much of the week rolling his eyes at her and keeping his legs away from my karate chopping antics.  I did manage to leap on him in  th

Day 787 of Captivity
I haven't managed to post much recently, because the fatuous female Infidel broke the laptop last week.  I think you have to be some kind of special to break a Mac, but it seems the female has won her spot on the sunshine coach!  She spent much of last week either swearing at it or threatening it with violence.  It is repaired now, but no thanks to the old crone, she had to call on the help of a techy type, I think they are referred to as geeks.  He seemed most amused at the level of stupidity displayed by the female Infidel, while she prattled on about how the laptop came to be in such a state of disrepair he seemed to be choking down hysterics.  The female Infid

Day 779 of Captivity
The female Infidel has gone too far this time!  She has obviously been scheming for some time and she has come up with a plot to sabotage me, one of such cunning I never thought she had it in her.  She rearranged the furniture in the lounge a couple of days ago.  It has been done in such a way, I can no longer skulk in the dining room undetected, or behind the console table chewing the cables because it has been moved, I cannot climb all over the back of the couches and I am unable to lie in the window shouting and engaging in a spot of banter with the gardeners or the binmen.  In fact it is very difficult for me to look out of the window  in the lounge at all, be

Day 775 of Captivity
Oh kill me now!  The shadow of bore has returned!  She deigned to bring me some manky toys from her travels, I have subsequently obliterated them to show my disdain for her meagre offerings, it is hardly recompense for her abandonment of her duties.  I also shredded the kelb's just to upset him.  He has been like a lost sheep all week, moping about pathetically, crestfallen and close to tears.  Since the return of the female Infidel he has been overjoyed and she cannot move without him accompanying her just in case she manages to sneak out again.  He almost breaks his neck to follow her, it is really quite contemptible!  I enjoyed a week of doing as I please wit