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I’ve done some crazy things in my life. Nothing too hair-brained but enough to fill my hollow noggin with plenty of anecdotes. I’m going to make a fine old cranky man when I get old and I can’t wait to start all of my sentences with “Did you know…” or “I remember when..” Until then, here are a bunch of stories…

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Punching Dinosaurs The Time I Punched a Stegosaurus to Pluto

English - Comedy, Amusing, Emu

http://andyjthompson.wordpress.com/

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Punching Dinosaurs · 7M ago

Let Sleeping Drunken Men with a Sniffle Lie

We’ve all had horrible moments of shame in our life. Moments that, when we look back on in hazy recollection, make us cringe and feel sick in the stomach. I’ve had so many that I’ve lost count. The overwhelming majority of my shameful moments involve me and a crowd of onlookers who like to guffaw [.

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Punching Dinosaurs · 11M ago

R.I.P. The Epic Bus Adventure

Recently I flew down to Melbourne to visit my family and celebrate my sister’s 40th birthday. While sitting on the plane, wedged between a rather hostile elderly lesbian and an obese businessman who insisted on reading his broadsheet newspaper which meant every turn of a page nearly resulted in me c

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Punching Dinosaurs · 1Y ago

Goontastic Retail Adventures

The other day, while I was walking through a bottle shop looking for something suitable to drink with our dinner, I had a flashback. It wasn’t a horrible flashback like one brought on by too much LSD or the “horrors of ‘nam” but one brought on by the familiarity of my surroundings. I don’t mean [...

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Punching Dinosaurs · 1Y ago

Preparing for Tomfoolery: A Lesson in Humility

I was once asked how much preparation comedians do before a gig. I think it ranges from either winging it on stage with some ideas or planning a gig like a terrorist cell plans a suicide bombing. As much as I would love to be a comedian who prepares for gigs without breaking into a [...]

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Punching Dinosaurs · 1Y ago

Tom Cruise Lied to Me: A story about drunken debauchery and artistic sculptures

We’ve all worked in horrible jobs. Some jobs we make us depressed and some jobs make us completely turn into utter nutjobs. Some smart cookie once said: “It isn’t work if you enjoy what you are doing” This is a very astute statement from an intelligent but most likely unemployed person who has proba

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Punching Dinosaurs · 1Y ago

When Birds Attack: A terrifying story involving grevilleas and galahs.

I quite like animals. I really do. I also like to think that they like me but sometimes they don’t and this story is about one such occurrence. I grew up with animals. Lots of them. My parents ensured I wasn’t one of those maladjusted social retards who freaks out at the sight of a [...]

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Punching Dinosaurs · 2Y ago

Burger Rings and Border Collies

It was at this moment that Maggie looked up and saw something she hadn’t seen before. A scrotum. A dangling scrotum. My scrotum. Now I’m not terrifically endowed in the ball-sack region but it was a warm day and my boys were hanging a tad lower than usual. Maggie looked up, defied gravity with a hug

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Punching Dinosaurs · 2Y ago

Anger Management 101.

Dear Dr. Lazlo, when I get mad I tend to break things (small objects, house doors, people’s faces etc.) and this usually leads to costing me lots of money (replacing objects, fixing doors, paying off assault fines) it also has started to cause problems with the missus. If something slightly irritate

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Punching Dinosaurs · 2Y ago

Sexy Animals. Right or Wrong? Dr. Panaflex Advises.

Hi Dr Lazlo. First time reader, first time poster. I read your advice column with some interest, but must admit to a little disappointment as at no time did you touch upon any animal related fantasies. For instance I have been assured that my habit of lightly stroking my perineal region with a kanga

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Punching Dinosaurs · 2Y ago

Lustful Fantasising and its Consequences

Hi Dr. Lazlo, I have a question I want to ask. This is a completely hypothetical scenario. Say you are dating/married/committed to a woman and you see yourself as a loyal chap, would you consider it morally wrong to spank the salami with visualisations of a different girl? I suppose you could keep i

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