Where Cat Endures A Ninjafication
Cat's query letter:Due to an ancient law that decrees the killing of all second born twins, [insert age to specify that this is a YA novel] Paul lives as a street urchin. When he learns that he is the younger twin (brother, since you already specified “twin”) of the mentally handicapped Crown Prince, he agrees to play the role of the miraculously healed royal heir. (I don’t mind this, but it sort of begs the question: Who found him? How does he learn he’s the younger twin brother? Who’s asking him to play the role of the healed heir? I don’t necessarily think you need to go into all of it, but it just has me asking.)

Abby Prepares Herself for Nunchuckage
Dear Query Ninja,Every teenage girl likes to think she’s the center of the universe. Eighteen-year-old Olivia Ryan is about to find out she really is. (I like this, but… Yeah, there’s something about it that’s bothering me. Maybe the “is about to find out” part. I think that might be it. Maybe something like, “Even eighteen-year-old Olivia Ryan—until it comes true.” Or something like that. I like to take my first sentence and put it with my last one (or two) and see if my novel has come full-circle in the query. And I think you’d have a hard(er) time making that jump with your hook as it is. But if we change it, you’d have: “Every teenage girl

Laura Takes Her Lashing
Dear:Writers such as Dan Brown have aroused a keen interest in the Masonic Order of the Freemasons -- their secrets, rituals and symbols. But there is a parallel, even more secret society that has remained hidden from view. Until now. (Nice)The Last Degree is an 80,000 word mystery/suspense/thriller (Are you still deciding which? I’d pick one of these. Probably thriller, as it implies suspense and mystery.) recently named as a finalist in the novel-in-progress category and a short list finalist in the novel category of the 2009 Faulkner Literary Festival, Words & MusicThe novel is loosely based on the m

Christina Lee Takes the Ninja Query Challenge
Christina Lee took on the Query Ninja. Several times. Watch the transformation of her query letter! It's amazing!First Draft:Hayden Matthews is a teenage celebrity heartthrob, living a soulless existence. Literally.Yeah, he’s from another dimension, inhabited (inhabiting-present tense) a young earthly body, and some serious therapy is probably needed, but he only craves dead flesh. Killing is not his thing. Plus, he has a gift for conversing with insects. So he’s not so bad really; as far as zombies go. (Okay, you’re throwing a lot at me. Like a lot. So…he’s a zombie, right? A zombie who can talk

In Which The Ninja Breaks Out The Nunchucks
Dear [Agent],I am seeking representation for my paranormal suspense novel, HAUNTING INJUSTICE, complete at 65,000 words.Phoenix Worthy and his team of paranormal investigators search the halls of justice for a ghost, unaware of the serial killer who will stop at nothing to keep them from finding one. The pursuit spirals to an unlikely confrontation and the only question is who is more deadly - the killer or the ghosts of his victims?In modern day Tallahassee, a young wife is murdered.  Her husband is wrongfully convicted and sent to prison for life. The killer gets away with the crime and slips back into the community, never anticipating the husband