Life's surprises
Life. It has a way of taking you by surpirse. Both in good and bad ways. Something happens to us that in our wildest dreams or nightmares would ever happen to us. When my husband and I had lost Ashlynn so suddenenly and without warning, we had never given a possibility of that happening. A friend of mine, her husband passed away unexpectedly. For no reason. It gives us a reality check, one that we feel we didn't need or want.My friend and I are in different situations but almost same in our grief. Her husband passed away in the early morning. Right under her nose. She is just coming back home

WHY PEOPLE SAY WHAT THEY SAY
Someone told me recently that all souls choose their time. They choose their parent's and they choose their length of stay. I am not sure if this was a comforting thought for me. All I can think is "why didn't my two little souls choose to stay with us?" If this philosophy is true, then why didn't my babies want to stay? What made it that their stay had to be so entirely too short on this planet. So short in fact, that all I had time for was to know what song she prefered to hear, how she got her days mixed with nights, and how it felt like she loved to make my insides a punching bag. I am not sure how I feel about that statement. Or any of the statements an

Confusions, trying to find my way home.
It seems no matter how hard I try I cannot find my way home. Where I was before I got pregnant. Where I was before I lost my baby girl. It seems that this deep seeded anger and hurt will not go away. They just bury themselves deeper. Oh, sure, I am able to laugh with the best of them again... tell a joke, be with friends... go to work without hiding in a bathroom stall, even eat. I can even talk about my expierence now without crying, but I am crying on the inside and no one knows this but me. I cannot shake the pain. The emptiness. The feeling of "I should have had a baby right now." My friends... my family... it is everywhere and al

The Reason
I originally began writing to cope with my loss of a child. At first I began writing in a notebook but the pages began filling too quickly. Then i came across this site a great friend of mine is on. It seemed perfect. So this is my outlit. When its 2:30 in the morning and everyone is sleeping but I am up weeping. I can sit and type as much as long and it's easier on my hands, lol. It is the biggest loss of my life... both of my miscarriages. I won't be the same. I won't ever forget. And I won't just BOUNCE BACK... I WILL TALK ABOUT IT!!!! So, I write ths blog because it gives me a place of freedom. It gives me a pl