The Continuing Adventures Of A Regional Housing Officer

#138: Psychotic Reaction
Next time someone says, “I’ve seen everything,” punch them in the face. Hard. And more than once. Then say, "My dear friend, you, sir, are a goddamned liar." Because they haven’t. Far from it. So stick with me here, this won’t take long at all.In my current occupation as a spoon I’m always on the look out for things to avoid. Things to avoid, for me, generally take the form of serious conflict, angry people and especially those who appear to be seriously unbalanced. And, as a spoon, I am now very attuned to these people, can spot them a mile off and am able to neatly side-step out of danger’s way and scurry off to whatever corner of the world I’m allowed

#137: Radioactive
The Melbourne Cup should no longer be billed as "The Race That Stops A Nation", if we were to be totally accurate then it should be, "The Race That Ensures All Productivity Ceases For At Least A Day And A Half, Depending On Who Wins, Who Gets Drunkest And Who Scores In The Filing Closet."Back in the day, and I mean when Moses was a lad, the Melbourne Cup was the premier horse racing event on the Australian sporting calendar. Now it’s the premier racing event on the social calendar. You tell me what went wrong because I have no idea. I think when someone dragged Jean ‘The Shrimp’ Shrimpton to the event and allowed her to show off her long legs and tight buns it all went

#136: I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight
I'd forgotten all about Mr Bedlam until someone pointed out that he was smashing windows at the local Salvation Army wanting furniture and bedding. Mr Bedlam was a classic - I always suspected he was a bit unhinged but never to the level that he eventually displayed. Mr bedlam would phone up and rant about various topics, all related to the state of his unit and how we'd allowed the CIA and ASIO in while he was asleep to bug his toilet, and then let them back in while he was on the toilet to bug his bed. He'd end his calls with a tirade of abuse and some of the most colourful language I've heard this side of the wharfs when the sailors arrive. Loved the guy.Mr Bedlam reached

#135: As Long As You Follow
Helloooo! I’m back!! Missed me? Oh, please, you’ll make me blush darlings! So, you think you have it bad? You ain’t got shit! Seriously. Doing the rounds at the moment is this email purporting to be the ‘new’ email rules of a major department (can’t say which one it is, but I’m glad I’m not stuck there). At first I thought it was another one of those joke emails, but was told that, no, it's deadly serious and about to go into effect immediately. I did a bit of digging and it appears that the person who has come up with these rules isn’t fond of emails and firmly believes that emails are an utter waste of productivity. Naturally the staff disagree in pr