An Occurrence

Kiss My Ass For Charity

Impossible Fantasies

Hey Texas State U, I want my money back, you jerk.
I wrote this little number about a year ago but never posted it because I felt like an asshole. There’s still a little nugget of karmic fear in its publication, but hey, I’m uninspired right now, and I’ve already spent too much time staring at a blank Word document. Besides, I’m not going to be a teacher anyway, so karma’s just going to have to kick me in the balls or something if the universe is to balance out.I’d like to regurgitate a small resentment that’s been festering in my heart for some time. So, a reason for my directionless plight of so long is because an English degree standing alone is only an intrinsic reward, as I mentioned once upon a time. Initiall

Dear Charlie Kaufman, I love you.
I've been thinking screenplays lately. They seem easier than the books and short stories that I haven't been working on these past few months. I just don't have the time. It's true. Even these self-indulgent "me" blogs are written during slow moments at my two jobs. Any minute now, I expect a student to timidly appear at my side and interrupt my thought process for the next hour...like that. What was I saying? Writing. You can't write a committed story between moments of interruption. You're not committed. You can, however, write a disjointed blog posting. They're short and wandering, and since I have my finger on the button, I know I'll be published regardless of quality. Take that Har

Swine Flu, You're Just Bacon.
I’m rather irritated with myself for getting so caught up in this whole swine flu paranoia. When it first appeared on the scene of my heart, I scoffed at the fear it was creating not just internally, but externally. The media virus spread its existence like STDs, and from the mouths of one, two, three networks, the idiot public began French kissing each other en masse, while I watched like a pompous voyeur. But like all heroes facing superior numbers, I’m finally in “the shit.” I wouldn’t be if my lovely girlfriend didn’t have these so-called “preexisting medical conditions” that this H1N1 nonsense apparently enjoys partnering up with, but she does, and I am. Sensational med

Austin, a Pictorial (The Unusually Long Book Fest Edition)
This is a two-part posting, folks. The first part is about the annual Texas Book Festival and the second is about my discovery that despite Austin’s buoying progressiveness in a sea of Texas rednecks, I still live in a state with a shockingly brazen, Deep South mentality. This here’s the Texas Book Festival. It was conceived and executed, so to speak, in 1995 by Laura Bush to promote Texas authors, but it has since gone internat

One Down, Ten To Go
Well, my first rejection has reared its ugly head. Harper’s Magazine politely told me to eat shit in a SASE (that didn’t contain my short story by the way) I received Saturday. In a way, I’m glad I heard from them so quickly. Of the 11 publications I submitted to, around three are major magazines. Had a smaller one immediately decided to print my short, I’d have always wondered if a larger publication would have scooped it up if given enough time. Regardless, my reflexive response to instantaneously being jilted was, “Dicks!” How could they have given my story “careful consideration” in such a short amount of time?! My obsessive mind immediately broke down t