This is Conlan
Information
| Blog Name: | This is Conlan |
| Url: | http://www.thisisconlan.com |
| Language: | English |
| Topics: | humor, culture, miscellaneous |
| Description: | This is a blog about what Conlan wants to write about. Mostly it’s stupid, and you should be ashamed for reading it. And you are. It’s your dirty little secret. But you can’t resist, it’s just so good. But it’s completely absurd except for the stuff that makes sense! How could anyone read this drooble? Plus, a lot of the words are completely made up! I don’t get it. Sometimes it’s ridiculous, sometimes it’s informational, sometimes it’s entertaining, sometimes it’s sincere. These things shouldn’t go together! They can’t! But that’s the thing about Conlan. This is Conlan. |
| Popularity: | 73 Followers |
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Christmas Blend, with two pumps of peppermint syrup
Customer at Starbucks, sitting at a table with her friend, after noticing how crowded the store is at 10am: Wow, this is kind of scary. I’m glad I have a job. I’m assuming she assumes that anyone sitting at Starbucks at 10am on a Friday is out of work. Despite the “Whuh?” factor of this, I see a few problems with her reasoning. It’s 2009. Get a clue. You’re in your early 30s. Get a clue. Seriously. And, You are sitting in Starbucks at 10am on a Friday! Why are you here? UPDATE: I am writing this post as I sit at the next table over. She looks around again:
Customer at Starbucks, sitting at a table with her friend, after noticing how crowded the store is at 10am: Wow, this is kind of scary. I’m glad I have a job. I’m assuming she assumes that anyone sitting at Starbucks at 10am on a Friday is out of work. Despite the “Whuh?” factor of this, I see a few problems with her reasoning. It’s 2009. Get a clue. You’re in your early 30s. Get a clue. Seriously. And, You are sitting in Starbucks at 10am on a Friday! Why are you here? UPDATE: I am writing this post as I sit at the next table over. She looks around again:
Ask Conlan: Sweet
Chelsea from the comments writes: Hi Conlan. I have a question for your next “ask conlan” segment. Okay, here it is: What is going to happen to me if I live the rest of my life eating only candy? (I am on day three of a strictly candy diet, and I’m feeling a little off. I just want to know the long term effects of this self-destructive behavior…) Thanks! Thank you for your question, Chester. However, it seems your self-fulfilling prophecy is already an answered question. You call your candy habit a “self-destructive behavior”. Thus, you have already reconstituted what you believe about its being. You seem t
Chelsea from the comments writes: Hi Conlan. I have a question for your next “ask conlan” segment. Okay, here it is: What is going to happen to me if I live the rest of my life eating only candy? (I am on day three of a strictly candy diet, and I’m feeling a little off. I just want to know the long term effects of this self-destructive behavior…) Thanks! Thank you for your question, Chester. However, it seems your self-fulfilling prophecy is already an answered question. You call your candy habit a “self-destructive behavior”. Thus, you have already reconstituted what you believe about its being. You seem t
The man in it
On my bathroom mirror, I have written in permanent marker, “Tomorrow I will begin being more positive, more active, and more productive.” Each morning for the last three years I have looked at it and thanked God that I didn’t write “Today…”
On my bathroom mirror, I have written in permanent marker, “Tomorrow I will begin being more positive, more active, and more productive.” Each morning for the last three years I have looked at it and thanked God that I didn’t write “Today…”
Ask Conlan: Full Disclosure
It’s time again for Ask Conlan, the segment in which I take questions from readers. You can ask me literally anything, no topic off-limits, even questions that don’t make sense. I am here for you. This week1 our first question comes from one C.B. McDougal. Mr/s. McDonald writes: Dear Conlan, How are you? Sincerely, C.B. McDonnely Wow. Just… wow. Who do you think you are? Who THE F**K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! I can’t even fathom what would make you ask a question like that. I… I can’t even look at you right now. Just leave. I SAID LEAVE!! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW! Phew
It’s time again for Ask Conlan, the segment in which I take questions from readers. You can ask me literally anything, no topic off-limits, even questions that don’t make sense. I am here for you. This week1 our first question comes from one C.B. McDougal. Mr/s. McDonald writes: Dear Conlan, How are you? Sincerely, C.B. McDonnely Wow. Just… wow. Who do you think you are? Who THE F**K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! I can’t even fathom what would make you ask a question like that. I… I can’t even look at you right now. Just leave. I SAID LEAVE!! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW! Phew
This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest, Episode 15
It’s time for another episode of This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest. WORDPLAY: I think my dog is in heat. Luckily, it’s a dry heat. #idontreallyhaveadog Obviously. REACTION: Erectile dysfunction commercials make me long for a time when impotence was so shameful a condition that we dare not speak its euphemisms. Seriously, shut up already. REACTION: My skills: verb conjugation, competitive sweating, keeping my software up to date. My deficiencies: everything else. Goodnight. Obviously. STUPID: I nee
It’s time for another episode of This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest. WORDPLAY: I think my dog is in heat. Luckily, it’s a dry heat. #idontreallyhaveadog Obviously. REACTION: Erectile dysfunction commercials make me long for a time when impotence was so shameful a condition that we dare not speak its euphemisms. Seriously, shut up already. REACTION: My skills: verb conjugation, competitive sweating, keeping my software up to date. My deficiencies: everything else. Goodnight. Obviously. STUPID: I nee
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