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TooSexyForContacts · 10h ago

I can show you the world

I must dream about being a crocodile because I always wake up completely entangled in my covers like I went into a prolonged death roll.
TooSexyForContacts · 1d ago

To the left, to the left

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Or braised. I've enjoyed it baked too. Can't go wrong with Fried Revenge. The point is I'm mad.
TooSexyForContacts · 2d ago

For my next miracle, I will turn water into funk

"Gangster rap made me do it." -my response for everything today
TooSexyForContacts · 3d ago

Unable To Process

Cirque du Soleil, but it's just me trying to take off my bra & tights.
TooSexyForContacts · 4d ago

Tips For Taking Selfies With A Cat

we report, you decide!
TooSexyForContacts · 5d ago

Passing For Human

First rule of fight club is to make sure you're at the right location so you don't ruin Nokomis' knitting circle, again.
TooSexyForContacts · 6d ago

your natural source of youth

I don't want to watch the parade; I want to BE the parade!
TooSexyForContacts · 1w ago

I’m pretty gangsta myself

Not really my scene.
TooSexyForContacts · 1w ago

Unclear on the concept

How could you be so Dr.Evil? You're bringing out a side of me that I don't know
TooSexyForContacts · 1W ago

Have you seen my bear?

Hipsterism strikes me as what happens when white folks become aware of power and inequity but then say, “Well, what are we supposed to do? Throw our hands up and mug for the camera.”